New Years

It is finally 2021, I would like to first start out by acknowledging that we have lost many, many people across the globe over the last year. While every holiday season passes as a “first” for many who have lost a loved one, the year of 2020 took that to a whole different meaning. If you are reading this and lost a loved one during the pandemic or due to the pandemic please know my heart is with you. 

As an individual born 1991 I have been alive during 9/11, the recession of 2009, Afghanistan/Iraq war, and now the pandemic. I can’t help but wonder what else my generation may witness during our lifetime; at the same time I stick to my ever present optimist roots and begin wondering what I’d ideally like 2021 to look like a few weeks ago.

Now when a New Year rolls around many set goals, come up with a resolution, or choose a word/affirmation that will be their form of a mantra all year long.  I’m not sure what people are doing this year especially after 2020 will we still set goals for health/wellness, resolutions to spend more family time, plant that garden, or to travel again?

Having set goals/resolutions before I decided last week, the day after Christmas, I would choose a word for 2021. Actually, to be honest I woke up and just had this knowing that a word would be my mantra for the year.  You see, I turn 30 in July, if you follow astrology at all you also know that if you were born between 1991 and 1993 it is our time of Saturn Return. I do not have the particulars of what this specific event means for everyone but my gut feeling is telling me BIG THINGS are about to happen.

I have had this deep rooted feeling for the last year that 2021 is going to be a year of BIG growth, change, and expansion.  It’s going to be absolutely uncomfortable, I have no doubt, because growth, change, and expansion are uncomfortable. It is why for many of us we avoid all three things, it’s uncomfortable to make a statement “This isn’t working for me” or “I could do better”, then we need to admit that we are not perfect or break against what we feel we are expected to do/say/be.

Nevertheless I could not be more ready to see what this year brings.  I have hopes of events to happen but most of all I am just ready to see and be a witness to the year and all that it brings.  With that said, the word that fell into my lap for the year of 2021 is..

INTENTIONAL

Throughout the year I plan to be intentional in my actions, my words, my choices, my time, and my resources.  That is only just skimming the surface of the explanation that I can provide of how I see this word/mantra playing a role in my year.

The year 2020 taught me a lot of things, one of the most prominent is that I gave a lot of myself to others and to things.  I don’t just mean physically either but my energy and my time were given and not always with an understanding or intention as to why.  This recognition of how much I was giving occurred after being isolated for so long that when I began to not be so isolated I burned out quickly.  I took so much time off of social media because I just could not take it in, I could not share my energy with it.  There were moments of realization in my friendships, acquaintances, and activities when lightbulbs of “this doesn’t serve me, I don’t have room for it right now” occurred.  These moments were hard, these moments of clarity were understandings of boundaries I had newly created for myself.

From these learnings I take the word intentional, how can I intentionally support communities, small businesses.  How can I intentionally spend time with people so that my awareness and my focus are on building the quality of time together?  How can I be intentional with how I spend my money?  How can I be intentional about how I talk to myself, treat myself, and fuel myself?

I can not wait to carry this word/mantra throughout the year and share with you some of my experiences.  I am excited not only to see how I successfully carry this mantra out but also where I will learn from it.

Happy New Year, I hope to see stories of goals, resolutions, words, and/or mantras of your new year!

Instagram: @dboivin710
Email: beyoufindyou@gmail.com

Simba’s Lessons

It’s been 365 days since I last touched his fur and felt the warmth of his wet nose against my skin. Since I last got a good morning hug and husky smile.

A year ago I was head over heels in love with a husky named Simba who’d been brought into our lives two short months prior by happenstance. I tried incredibly hard not to love him but he was my soul dog, he was the dog I didn’t know I needed at the time. For this reason, the day of November 13, 2019, will be one of the hardest days to remember.

As I stated, Simba was with us for only two months so you may wonder how “just” a dog could have such a large impact. Well, to know Simba is to know he epitomized love, stoicism, and bravery. A playful soul who was always eager to please and who wiped out people’s expectations of what a husky was.

Simba suffered for an unknown amount of time and only once expressed with a splitting Husky scream the pain he was in. A year ago Sam and I had to let our beautiful boy go in a circumstance I hope no one should have to endure except surrounded by love and kindness.

Even as I sit here to share with the world the lessons he taught me tears are spilling down my face. Being a dog mom, it’s never long enough, ever. As humans, we truly do not deserve the unconditional love that these animals give to us or the guidance they share. TWO MONTHS though is truly just soul-crushing and there are days I wonder how I manage.

The day Simba died, I dreamt that night of him. He met me in our yard, he nudged my hand and romped around to show me he was okay. Then he laid next to me in the grass and I just pat him in the sunshine. In that dream, I knew he was showing and telling me he was okay, the decision Sam and I made to let him go was the right one.

Lesson 1: Never doubt your community

• The day we had to let Simba go I was living two hours away from my family. When I moved I suspected there were times that would be hard to be away from them but I never expected this. My mom packed her car as soon as she could to head up but I was still left to say goodbye to him almost by myself. I got in contact with my friend Amanda and asked her to be there as I wasn’t sure Sam would be able to get out of work, thankfully he was. I called my friend Shannon and she was going to come up the next day. After all, was said and done I was able to call one of my longest friends and she answered the call without hesitation. Friends who were in Italy while I watched their Sophie during all of this, called me after receiving my email that I may not be as responsive. Your tribe/community will show up when you least expect it.

Lesson 2: Those who leave us are never truly gone

• This year I have done so much and felt so much love because of Simba. Shortly after Simba passed I was having a really really hard day and missed him terribly and just wanted to know he was there, shortly after I was in my car and a blue jay flew in front of me. Since that day, and due to a few other occurrences, blue jays forever symbolize Simba. In my yoga teacher training I was in my meditation section of it, guided by my mentor Kelly Rich, at the end of her meditation I physically FELT Simba laying next to me. It was the first time, not the last, I physically felt his fur and the weight of his body. Since that day I’ve not only done intuitive work with Kelly but varying things on my own and each time Simba comes. He shows up and says “I’m ready, let’s go”. Now I know Simba came too me in a physical form to help me on this journey of self-discovery and spiritual work.

Lesson 3: It’s not permanent, enjoy it

• When we get an animal or bring an animal into our home, we know the time is fleeting in comparison to our own human life but you never realize how fleeting. Simba was truly when of the best symbols I could have ever been given to continue to live your life to the fullest because it is not permanent. Again, I will state I do not know how long he had the mass in his bladder however it never, ever stopped him from loving us, Dunkin, playing, snuggling and just being a happy dog. Remembering him reminds me to find joy in my every day, to take that extra minute for a hug or a kiss, to say I love you, or to even say thank you. 

Three simple lessons, although I’m sure there are more, from a dog who was only physically present for two months. Think about that, a dog had that much of an impact on at least my life. What kinda of impact are you making? What kind of impact are the people around you making?

Simba, I will forever miss you and there isn’t a single day that goes by I don’t think of you and tear up. I am grateful to have had you for the time I did and even more grateful to still have you guiding me.

Disconnect to Connect

I recently decided that to connect better to who I am and my heart, I needed to disconnect.

I needed to get off my phone and look around me. I didn’t go on a vacation where I wanted to get away from it all, I have simply been living my day to day.

Given the tumultuous year that 2020 has been I, unfortunately, have spent more time on my phone as many of you probably have as well. This has been done in the desire to feel connected, to feel like I’m not alone in this chaos that is ensuing around the world.  It’s been done in a way to stay up to date, find comedic relief, and also find some glimmers of human kindness not portrayed on the news outlet. I have even built new relationships through social media that while incredibly grateful for, I realize might simply exist there.

The issue is and I’m sure I am not alone, I get a little too invested in what is going on in the world of social media and not even realizing that I am actually incredibly disconnected. While I enjoy watching individual Instagram stories I find that I constantly just open up Instagram to “see what’s up”.

Watching other’s stories or reading their posts does not always mean comradery or a connection. It’s simply a “real-time” view into what may be going on in their life. It’s almost like the neighbor watching everything going on in your backyard as they watch through a hole in the fence. (Figuratively).

I’ve begun to ask myself “WHY?” why am I watching so much or trying to consume so much of other people’s lives. Why do I feel the need to share in my stories or my posts?

Simply put..

Even without a pandemic we are a world of disconnected individuals simply searching for the community and connections we are missing.

While I admit, I have found some truly amazing people via social media if that is the ONLY platform I am connecting with them on is it a true connection?

This last question is one I’ve been pondering. Since being off of social media I’ve had fewer conversations with the people I was talking to almost every day while actively on it. There’s no text or phone call of how are you doing or following up on a previous conversation. The relationship has ceased to exist without the monologue of our visible stories to comment on as our days go forward.

Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy social media. I enjoy the outlet it gives us to connect as human beings on a certain level. It is an outlet where we spread words much faster than ever before, it is an outlet for learning and it is a place where you do have the ability to find like-minded people you never would have dreamed of. 

Quality time is a love language of mine so in my choice to stop always checking my phone and social media I am gifting myself time. I have become more present in my connections and feel as though I am giving my full attention to those who are also gifting me THEIR time. At the end of the day, TIME is gifted and taken away all at once. If COVID has taught me anything it is this.

I wanted to share this experience, specifically right now because if you are feeling overwhelmed or are playing what I call the comparison game, it may be time for you to disconnect too. Take the 20 or fewer seconds it takes to delete applications on your phone so you are less likely to use them.

If you struggle with this because your business is on social media, allow yourself to take a vacation like you would from your actual work. Use the time to connect back to your creativity and come up with new content.

Who knows, you may even find that disconnecting might become a permanent practice.

Boundaries

To best respect ourselves and our own promises; boundaries should be something we allow ourselves to make.  Correction, we should REQUIRE ourselves to make.

We think of boundaries as something we are not doing for others.  In reality they should happen so we can show up better for others. Are you someone who says “Yes” all the time? Do you apologize for not being available for others when you can’t even be there for yourself? Are you waking up after a full night’s rest and wonder how you are still so tired?

Do you give more then you take? Are you giving up your time, your voice, your attention, or your energy too freely?

When I have given too much, it hits hard. When my primary focus is others, when my primary focus is centered around “doing” instead of “being” my boundaries are dropped. When I say this I mean that I have become the “Yes” person, I show up for others hard, I listen to them, and do things for them.

Setting these boundaries is incredibly important, especially right now. Having the technology at our fingertips to call and/or text anyone at the drop of a dime can make us feel as though we have lost the ability to say “No” or create the boundary stating “I’m not available”.

A tool from my toolbox is to determine what you need in order to be the best version of you; this way you can continue to show up for others. These are “non-negotiables” (okay they might be negotiable ONCE in a while because again we are human not perfect robots).

ANYWAYS, some of my non-negotiables are:

1. Moving my body – Whether this is a workout, running, walking, dancing, yoga, or playing with my dogs. Moving my body in some way helps me show up best in my life.
2. Lessen screen time – Set “business hours” for yourself, I shut down all social media from 8-9pm at night just before bed. I also utilize the app timer on my iPhone so that I only spend a certain amount of time during the day on social media apps. This is not perfect but it is helpful so that I don’t just scroll through Instagram or Facebook. This screen time also includes TV, I don’t watch TV past 8pm if I can help it. Again, I’m human and sometimes I have the urge to binge watch a show.
3. Don’t be afraid to say “I’m not available” – Honor time that you’ve committed for yourself, and the time you set up to spend with others. Those in my immediate circle for instance know when it is date night and unless emergent respect that space I have created. Our phone’s also have these cool options to be silenced or put on Do Not Disturb (at least iPhone’s), USE THESE TOOLS.
4. Fuel my body – I once had a girl I worked with make a comment about how routine I am with what I eat. It may change on the season but I almost always eat very similar snacks and meals. Fueling my body with fruits and veggies helps me have a better day. Eating junk food and drinking tend to set me up for personal failure.
5. KEEP your business hours – When I worked a corporate job that I could work at any time and anywhere, if I knew I didn’t need it, I would leave my laptop at work. Some of my colleagues gave me a wide-eye stare. I truly believe in a work-life balance and refused to even allow the temptation to “work more” if only to prove I could.
   • I know during a pandemic Number 5 above can be incredibly hard as so many jobs are now remote. Can you create a space that is “work” and shut the door on it? (figuratively or literally)

These are simple non-negotiables that I have always felt silly about since I began truly implementing them in the last year. They are the best gifts I have given myself, people may not understand them but it is how I can show up as my best self every day.

This post itself is a boundary I am creating to whomever may read it. It’s a boundary because I’m making you aware of the ones I’ve created. Vocalizing our boundaries is also a key in respecting ourselves and the space we are trying to create.

Through this practice I have become more aware, cognisant and respectful of others. I invite you to ponder any boundaries you’ve created for yourself to better show up for what you need in the moment.

Change is Happening

For the last few weeks after learning about George Floyd’s death I have sat in anger, confusion, sadness and heartache. I have wondered how this has continued to happen, I have wondered once again “What do I do?”

I have sat back on my hands continuously over the last few years as I’ve seen news reports regarding the deaths of black individuals and other minorities. I’ve seen them, I’ve been saddened and yet I still have done nothing. I have not said or done anything because I did not know what to do and felt that my voice didn’t matter.

I live in Maine, the whitest state in the U.S. per 2019 Census Data. I grew up in a town that had other races but when I was half way thru highschool I moved. I remember being shocked by how white the school was. Now living in midcoast Maine the white population is that much greater. When I leave the state I own that I am the awkward, white Maine girl who tries to avoid eye contact with individuals of other races because I don’t want to be caught staring. This is because I have been censored, because I find what they wear, how they move, how they speak interesting and want to learn more and I still don’t.

That statement, I was afraid to write. I am afraid for people to read it. THAT is my white privilege, that even me writing and sharing it I still get to keep my life. I still get to be comfortable in my own home, and I still have less to worry about backlash comments.

That is what I have learned over the last few weeks.

I’ve also learned that if I make a mistake in a statement, I would please ask that someone give me the constructive criticism to correct me. I have been afraid of that, I’ve been afraid to say or do that wrong thing and be corrected because I ultimately do not want to offend someone. However, in one way or another someone is bound to get offended.

I think for myself, I work very hard to educate myself, these actions help culminate what I do and say. At the same time, I am someone who can be rash in actions and words (I’m human, go figure). This may lead to doing something incorrectly, I own that.

I’ve tried to pull together some tidbits that I’ve gathered that can assist in black lives being heard and seen. The thing that frustrates me is that we’ve gone two and a half weeks and the media coverage has LESSENED. This is why individuals can not stop sharing and using their own voice to continue the coverage.

Things you can do:
Donate
Share posts
Shop black owned businesses
Use your voice or platform to share the message
Find people to talk to and with
Create a book club

A few resources I’ve found:
Justice for Breonna – Sign the petition for Breonna who was shot dead in her home the evening of March 13th.
Books to Read – LA Times released ONE list of books to read. This is just one list of books, there are many others
White privilege Checklist – For those of us who might feel like we don’t have it and/or are the type of people who need to see a numerical representation of what our privilege is.
Black Owned Maine: Many states have their own version, it is a list of stores, artists, teachers, businesses to support black people who own them.

Again, I acknowledge this is only the beginning of the now. This list, these resources and my knowledge are far from being limited to just this. So I invite you to share with me, share with others, have conversations, and be kind while listening.

Grace

In times where things seem to be out of our control, I find this is the time when we are our HARSHEST critic. We have incredibly high expectations of what we should and can accomplish. If we don’t complete everything we had intended on doing then we have “failed”.

Over the last year, I have picked up the phrase “Give yourself grace”. I have found the weight of that incredibly profound and hard hitting. Giving myself grace is not cutting myself slack, IT IS giving myself permission to be kind, to take things slowly, and to be compassionate to myself.

During this pandemic I’ve found myself saying it a bit more then I would have expected. Yes, per my last post, I had set up a bit of a schedule for myself. However, on my days off, I haven’t pushed myself to get up at the crack of dawn like I normally would. I like routine, I like starting the day early and getting things done. Right now though, we are being gifted time to slow down.

For this reason, I’ve given myself the grace to slow down, to savor waking up slowly and looking out my windows in the morning. After I got in a single car, minor accident a few weeks ago I gave myself the grace to rest. I gave myself the grace to cry and be upset that I couldn’t seek physical comfort from my family.

We are our hardest critics on whatever normal days were occurring prior to this pandemic. What good are we doing in continuing to be these critics. What good are we doing for ourselves in continuing this toxic process?

Give yourself the grace to:

• Loosen your routine
• Love how you are in the present
• Be angry
• Be sad
• Cry
• Scream
• Sleep
• Ask for help
• Look at yourself in the mirror
• Stay in the sunshine a little longer
• Say “No, this doesn’t serve me”
• Say “Yes, I need this right now”
• Take a bath
• Take a deep breath
• Lean on others

I could continue this list, it could go on for miles. I have cried almost every day during this pandemic. This is incredibly hard for me as I’ve always been told I’m “too soft”. I have allowed myself the grace to cry, because if I don’t my depression and anxiety kicks in.

Giving yourself grace is about being willing to allow yourself to say “I need this, this it what serves me in this moment.” This is the most important of times to give yourself grace, kindness, compassion, love and understanding. Do this for YOURSELF, I beg of you.

Intimidated and Inspired

The other day I got a response to my blog post! Someone took the time to tell me they read it and empathized about losing Simba. WHAT! Do people actually read my blog? They don’t just “like” my picture announcing it. Who would have thought?

In all reality, though that one piece of feedback got me thinking as to why I stopped writing. Correction, why I stopped sharing my writing. I went through my internal roll-a-dex and realized that once again I was feeding into “Why should I keep writing? What do I have to share that hasn’t been shared a million times over?”

In comes my boss babe badass self saying:

NEWS FLASH everyone in the world feels that way in some way or another so get over it! Pull up your big girl pants and get to writing.

(You think I make up my badass self I don’t, I can explain in detail how I look in this version and there are days I feel like her 100%)

So, here I am writing. To tell you that we compare almost every day of our life. We think that because that person has done it (there are over 500 million blogs in the world) then we can’t possibly have something to offer. 

This pandemic has me re-thinking a lot of things. It has me re-evaluating what I want to focus on in life and what brings me joy. I’ve been participating in an intuitive mentorship that has been opening my soul (and eyes) to new experiences and better understanding. My yoga teacher training is being re-adapted to encompass this “new” world but even that has me second-guessing what I should be doing. It makes me wonder if I’m cut out to be a yoga teacher. Then I remember my yoga practice truly began at home with Yoga with Adriene. There are still days where I pull up her Youtube Channel and hit play.

So today I am choosing to STOP my comparison and BUILD UP the people I’m comparing myself to. The people who I look at and some days just go “I’ll never be that good” or “I could never do that”.

Here we go:

Kelly Rich – Is one of the most beautiful people I have met and a true gem. She is currently my Intuitive Mentor and has helped me do a lot of soul searching since I met her last October. She has helped me comfortably dive into my spiritual practice and be a gentle supporter of inquiries. She has her own global practice and created Bug Light Yoga in South Portland, ME. She also recently started a podcast sharing her wisdom, messages, and important conversations called Own Your Intuition. Her willingness to step into her soul’s calling, do the work, and be open to sharing with others is truly amazing.

Brittany – Author/Writer/Creator of espressoandfit. Obsessed with eSpresso (don’t you dare say eXpresso to her), red wine, dogs, and health; her gentle nature and hustle are admirable. I originally saw Brittany at an event in Philadelphia, PA called The Good Fest. I say I saw because I didn’t introduce myself despite taking an elevator with her in our hotel. It truly wasn’t until after I was going through the Good Fest’s Instagram I recognized her and began following her. I found her honesty and raw “realness” refreshing and as a yoga teacher was interested in her journey. Following Brittany has been inspiring for my writing and yoga practice.

Amy Currie – Owner/Operator of Fit Justice in Portland, ME. I’ve known Amy for almost 4 years. She is a kickass boss babe, kind human, pizza lover, and one of the best people I know. I love watching Amy’s stories and reading her posts because she laughs at herself about as much as I do. She also is incredibly inspiring with her commitment to her health and training as well as those of her clients. She’s honest and real about struggles that can cause setbacks in one’s journey. Her message is also that of BALANCE which is incredibly important to me as someone who works hard to not shame myself into “healthy” habits. For many years I have thought about being a personal trainer and if I choose to one day maybe she’ll be my mentor 😉

Michelle Neujahr – Owner of Nu-Yar, I have known Michelle for 8 years. (WOW!) Michelle was my teacher of Entrepreneurship when I was attending Southern Maine Community College. She is a Business Teacher at Southern Maine Community College and a Business Consultant. She is a friend, confidant, mentor, and no-BS human being. Next to my mom, Michelle has been one of my biggest cheerleaders since I’ve known her and is constantly pushing me to be a better version of myself. Michelle still impacts my life daily; she truly inspires me to show up as the best version of myself, be honest, and learn from my mistakes.

These women are the ones filling up my soul the most at this time. These are the ones who make me strive to be better and inspire the words that I write. They help me evaluate where I am coming from and the messages I wish to share.

I hope in sharing them with you I’ve shared some inspiration. I hope that you feel better about comparing yourself and know that you’re not alone when you do so. The next time you find yourself in “comparison mode” take a moment to write down or think about WHY you’re comparing and what that person may be teaching you or challenging you instead.

Email: beyoufindyou@gmail.com

So you are quarantined…

Hello Everyone

It has been quite some time since I’ve written much of anything. I had begun writing Simba’s story and it just doesn’t feel quite ready to share with the world.

For those who don’t know me or follow me on social media. Quick recap:
– Simba was a 10 month old Siberian Husky Sam and I adopted. We loved him and cared for him for two months before we suddenly had to put him to sleep.

ANYWAYS

Since Simba I have taken a lot of time to myself. While I have been on my social media platforms I haven’t shown up how I had been previously.

Then COVID-19 happens and I feel this URGE to be present and to show up for others. To make them feel not alone in a time full of isolation.

After some of my own anxiety and panic attacks I was finally able to sit within the stillness of everything that is going on. In sitting in the stillness, thank you quarantine measures, I reflected back to this time last year. GUYS I’M IN THE SAME SPACE!

Granted I have a job currently but with fewer days in the actual office. I work in a vet hospital so we are “essential” but we are split into teams to limit exposure. Last year at this time I was unemployed due to choice. I had left my 40 hr a week job with benefits and amazing colleagues to move with Sam to where we are living now. In this realizing I had an immediate AH-HA moment and asked myself;

“What did I do with my time last year?”

When I asked myself this question I realized, I need to share this with others. During this time of quarantine many are isolated at home with or without loved ones, with or without jobs to help occupy them and with or without children to assist in “homeschooling”. My mind is blown on that level alone.

I have profound gratitude for the fact I have a job that is considered “essential”. I have profound gratitude for the ability to buy groceries. I have profound gratitude that I have a partner who knows it is incredibly hard for me to experience this LIFE ALTERING event away from my family. I have profound gratitude for my dogs who encourage me to get outside (let’s be honest they make me get outside because I really prefer to not have pee pads in my house).

Regardless of this gratitude however I recognize and empathize with the difficulty of being isolated and unable to be in your “normal” routine. Whether by choice or not being alone, being out of your routine is hard. While I may be late to the game below are some “tips” I have for doing our best to continue on every day without losing our minds.

1. CREATE a routine – I am sure most of you have a daily routine during your “normal” schedule. If you’re not working then find things to align your day with, don’t just allow yourself to sleep in every day, set up times to read/workout/do yoga/run/chat with friends and STICK TO IT
2. KEEP IN TOUCH – In this age of technology we have so much at our fingertips. I facetime my mom daily REGARDLESS. However, I have found myself using it more often with my friends and extended relatives in order to keep my sanity.
3. MOVE your body – As addictive as sitting in front of the computer or TV screen can be remember this is not “technically” a vacation. If weather allows get outside and walk, do something with others in your household.
   – Find an at home workout or utilize SO MANY studios that are using online platforms to offer their classes. This is HUGE for me as so many of these studios are small businesses, many I care about, as well as it offers you the ability to try new things without being in the “group” setting. You can do it in your own home! I know so many people who don’t try new things because of the fear of being judged in a group setting. NOW is the PERFECT time to try the new fitness class without that fear because you can ALWAYS shut the camera off.
4. ALLOW – Just simply allow, you’re going to say “What the F*** does that mean?! I am not into whatever your saying.” Are you a person who NEVER takes naps and feels the need to? Do you feel the need to socially isolate yourself? Do you feel the need to reach out more than you normally would to friends/family/people? Do you want to spend time learning something? ALLOW all of this and anything else to happen. This is an unprecedented and hard to navigate time. Allow yourself to feel your emotions, have your concerns, explore interests, and WANT to be in contact with others.
5. DISCOVER – I’ve seen people posting about discovering/learning new things. One individual decided they wanted to take this time to learn calligraphy, another learning to play the ukulele. Discover something that you have longed to learn or gain knowledge about but have made the statements of not having the time.
6. GET DRESSED – Even if it is just one day out of the week. Make it the day you have to do the mandatory grocery shopping and braving the possible masses. Don’t just lounge around in your pj’s all day.
7. PLAN your food – I’m not saying full on meal prep (unless that’s your thing, then do it!) I am saying don’t just treat it like it’s spring break in junior high. I get many of us are stress eating, allowing ourselves more snacks/treats then we normally would. We’re humans who when bored/stressed can very often turn to food. I’m right there with you! My “food” of choice has been wine, I’ve had more wine since this whole thing started then I have in months. Take the time to plan a meal, or plan the snacks you have in your house. It may just help the stress/boredom eating, it also may help with tip #3!

We are in a challenging, fearful, and unprecedented time. Despite all of that I have hope of what will come after.

I hope that this helps whomever may need to read this. ❤

Expectations Part 2

I didn’t expect I would ever complete a “Part 2” post but I am realizing some topics of worth revisiting. The topic of expectations is one that I don’t think will ever stop. I actually have been compelled to write about expectations again exactly a full year after I wrote about them the first time. (You’ll read it a a bit later). The universe can be funny, but let’s dive in!

We live in a world that is filled to the brim with expectations. We are taught to have expectations of ourselves, of society and those we surround ourselves with. I covered this specific generalization last year, but after the year I’ve had I’m ready to dig in a bit more.

First off, no matter how clear you think your expectations are, think again! I know the best rule of thumb is to not have any expectations, well…. it is a goal I have, does that count?! Really though, everyday for almost four months I have had to re-evaluate the expectations I have of the other human being currently in my life, aka Sam aka my boyfriend aka not someone who I’ve ever lived with.

We lived in two different households, raised two different ways, and live life in two different ways. We each have things that in our relationship and within our home life that matters more than some. For instance, I grew up with you make dishes in the kitchen you clean them (ask my mom and dad though, definitely not perfect there!) Not saying Sam was not but it simply doesn’t bother him to have dishes piled in the sink (for me it is like nails on a chalk board.)

Silly right?! Me being me, I had the expectation that he would just adjust to “my ways” (first no no) and pick up after himself and not leave dishes everywhere.

WRONG

Instead I just would do them or get irritated, frustrated, upset and take it as a sign he didn’t care (second no no). When I got really fed up I would finally make a passive aggressive comment, get snarky, or..well really just those two (third no no).

We hadn’t communicated the expectations of the roles we held within our new relationship of living together. There it is the fun C word.

This is one small instance and example of how our predetermined expectations and habits can influence the encounters we have with our significant others or just people in our life. Sam does help with the dishes and one of my biggest lessons was learning that I can expect Sam will do the dishes when he wants to, not always when I ask him too. Is that okay? HELL YES!

We hear people say, “pick your battles, figure out what you can live with”. It’s a true saying and it doesn’t even apply to just the actions people take. It also applies to how people speak to us.

I was recently conversing with a friend about relationships. They shared (towards the end of the conversation) the realization they had of their partner expressing love to them. This friend told me they expected their partner to say something to make them feel supported and loved in a specific way. Their partner wasn’t doing it the way they expected but was showing up in their relationship differently that still spoke of love.

Sometimes we wish to hear our partner say something to help lift us up the 5 cm to stand a little taller that day and it doesn’t happen.

One day, I had taken a shower and was feeling a little down. After I got out of the shower I had asked Sam if he thought I was beautiful, he looked at me and said “Not when you look like a wet dog” I pouted and laughed at the same time, I was a little hurt but later on I thought about it and said what else could I have expected him to say?

Let’s be honest we never look 100%, we never act 100% and we are never 100% lovable. How can we expect others to speak how we want them to, act how we want them to, or do what we want them to without first understanding our expectations set us and them up for failure.

I can’t promise there won’t be a part three to writing about expectations but I can promise you I’m human and I’m working every day to acknowledge mine.

Purpose

For as long as humans have roamed the earth we have all, in one way or another, tried to determine what purpose is.

Whether it is our life’s purpose, the purpose of a tool, the purpose of an education, we are always looking to find the purpose in something and/or someone. We seek out to figure out what we/it is “good for”, the impact we/it have on this world, this life, this day.

During my half marathon training I took to listening to podcasts during my long runs. Mind you, I was always a music while you run person but after 6 miles the music starts to get old. One of my favorite podcasts to listen to is “The School of Greatness” hosted by Lewis Howes. During a long run I listened to this one episode where he hosted Trenton Shelton entitled “You Were Born on Purpose“.

The biggest take away I had from this podcast was his statement of:

I am purpose

He states that we are all in search for a purpose, what if instead we believe we were simply born on purpose. Our life is the purpose.

My takeaway was that if we believe that we are already living in our purpose, we do not need to go in search of purpose to feel that we are complete. Our purpose is to wake up everyday and move forward, be present, and live in gratitude.

Some days WILL BE harder than others, it is how life works. If we continue to wake up every day striving to find the purpose to our life my biggest fear is that we will let life slip right on by.

Recently, I went to the Beachbody Summit. It is a yearly summit where over 20,000 Beachbody coaches attend learn new skills and listen to amazing speakers. This year I completely became a fangirl because Rachel Hollis spoke to us! I won’t lie it was one of the biggest highlights of my weekend.

One of my favorite pieces though was our second speaker who I had never heard of before, Jade Simmons, she is a classically trained pianist become motivational speaker. First of all, an amazing musician, but her words spoke volumes. One thing she said was:

“Purpose is what happens to others when you do what you do”

Just read that again.

Now read it one more time.

When you read it what do you envision? How does it make you feel? What does it make you think?

When I heard this quote I thought “HELL YES!” If we walk, talk and live with purpose it reverberates to others! When we believe we are purposeful, that we are here for a reason, people feel that.

We do not have to seek out our purpose externally, it is within every single one of us.